After about five years of work studying at two different facilities, I finally graduated with my Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Science on Friday. It is simultaneously a large load off of my shoulders and another burden to deal with; it leaves me with short term freedom, but huge pressure to get some kind of job in a reasonable amount of time. For now I’m just going to enjoy my freshly minted obligation-free schedule (admittedly it’s not so new because I haven’t had much of anything in the way of schoolwork since the semester started dying down a month ago) by working on some hobbies and taking things slow. My mom has been extremely flexible with my post-college activities. She is fine with me taking it easy for now and spending the next few months not thinking too heavily about getting a job right away, and as a matter of fact, she even encouraged that I travel at some point, which seems very likely at the moment.
At some point, however, I know that I need to face the future.
The first topic I feel I need to discuss relates to my hobbies. Three major projects in particular have eaten up much of my free time since 2015: Super Better World 2, The Untitled Gamer Movie, and a currently unreleased project. I guess I accepted way too much responsibility around that time, as those have all been huge time sinks. Super Better World 2 was a Super Mario World ROM hack that I worked on for years and eventually released in 2017 (which you can read more about here). In short, I spent a lot of time on making this game for a person who never really appreciated it the way I wanted them to. It was fun returning to such a defining moment of my childhood, making and playing Super Mario World hacks, but I sort of wish that I had all of that time back considering the payoff did not even come close to how much effort I poured into it. If there is anything to be proud of, it’s that I managed to finish such a large project that I originally had no idea if I’d be able to pull off or not. That’s a good feeling, and it made me more confident that I could finish a project with a larger scope. Once I finished with that ROM hack, I went full swing into The Untitled Gamer Movie. I don’t believe I ever discussed this project on here before, but it is a YouTube series that I made primarily back in 2013 that was a parody of the Irate Gamer and Angry Video Game Nerd. Despite the popularity of such parodies to be very much on the downswing, I definitely knew I wanted to end the series with a bang. Scripting, filming, and editing took several years, but I focused a lot of the filming and editing time after I finished the aforementioned ROM hack. The entirety of my break during the Summer of 2018 was spent finishing up the last of the editing, and once I received the final clip that I needed from my friend who starred in the movie, it was finally released in January 2019 on the anniversary of the first episode. I think more people were able to appreciate this project more than the other one relatively speaking, but overall it still ate a huge chunk of my time that I could have been using to accomplish more productive things. Still though, it’s a big project that I persisted in finishing. I set out to not abandon this project, and I was able to get it done eventually. That is still one of the aspects I am most proud about. Finally, I am still hard at work on a secret, unreleased project that has been in progress since 2015. I won’t go into details about the project itself, but it’s something I want to finish the bulk of the work on while I have this break of an indeterminate amount of time.
One of my greatest worries currently is how I should be spending my time since I need to prepare for getting a job at some point. I am super passionate about wanting to finish this final project, this last obligation that has been hanging over my head for years, and I don’t think it would take an egregious amount of time, but at the same time I feel as if I should be delving deep into the world of programming since that is my area of study. Currently, I am continuing to work on the hobby, but if things get too out of hand I may end up taking the programming/job search more seriously. Or I may just juggle both at once (which theoretically shouldn’t be too hard considering I have no other obligations). I wanted to push myself to have a job by the end of the Summer, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like it probably won’t happen that early. I also thought to myself that the end of the year would be the latest I wanted to have a job by, and that at least sounds feasible to me. I can probably maintain a very comfortable life and get the experience I need within that time frame, so that’s the broad objective for now.
The thing that has been the most on my mind, for the past year and several months no less, is finding some sort of relationship. I find it hard to talk about around most people I know, but at least on here I feel more comfortable spilling some of the broader details. I feel like my mental state has deteriorated a considerable amount over that time because of how this hunt has occupied my mind literally every single day since then. I asked someone who I have a crush on about a potential relationship, and I was rejected (which was understandable, but very rough on me because of how hard it was for me to work up the courage to let my feelings out in the first place). I keep thinking to myself that eventually something may work out with that person, but it is probably very unhealthy for me to be so fixated on hoping that will happen. I have also since spent a lot of time and money on dating websites and haven’t met up with so much as a single person during the months I’ve had access to them. But that’s my own fault; I’m rather picky about who I feel would be right for me, so I haven’t pulled the trigger many times on trying to interact with others on these sites. So, at this point, I don’t know. I truly don’t know what to do (and am nervous about what I’d have to do) to find someone who would be interested in my niche hobbies and who would also have a personality that I would gel with very well. I guess I’ll just be waiting for the right situation as my mind constantly reminds me that I won’t be truly happy until that happens.
The future is exciting, scary, and absolutely enigmatic. I’m looking forward to what could happen, but I also dread what may happen as well. Until then, I’ll keep on coasting.